Life is a professional in putting ourselves to grips, in giving to the heartbeat a rhythm that we have not sought. Or maybe yes, maybe involuntarily. Let’s talk about that collection of problems we all have; like a pendant we wear around the neck, sometimes made of stones while others are of leaves, depending on our mood. Faced with these problems we develop different strategies. In this article we will talk about the three key words to address the problems: accepting, fighting and differentiating.
Accept, what? Fighting against whom? Distinguish between what? The answer is unique: the problems . Yes, today we will talk about the importance of accepting what we can not change, of fighting to transform what we can change and of intelligence to decide which of these two strategies to use to tackle problems
How to deal with problems
Sometimes it costs, and a lot. Helplessness us full of energy, so much that often turns into frustration, grief and anger. Let’s talk about mourning. Of what has been lost and that we can no longer recover. The loved one who has passed away, the years that have gone, the amputated leg, the feeling of returning to a house.
As we grow up, we become experts in this. Over the years, we end up filling a baggage of absences that transforms sadness into nostalgia . Accepting wants to understand that this feeling of “no longer” is part of us, including it in our history ; to recognize its weight, yes, but as part of us, integrating it into our history, also absorbing what it has left us and not just the feelings that spring from absence.
We do not cease to nurture affection for what has gone, no matter how good it is . We continue to include it in our history, to project it into the future. Because a good part of what we expect depends on what we have experienced. The child who has lived surrounded by positive people will expect that those he meets are just as good and positive and will treat them as such, increasing the likelihood that they really are.
Accepting means understanding, not only from a cognitive point of view, but also from an emotional point of view.
Much of what we expect depends on what we have experienced.
Fighting, fighting, planning a battle investing resources, accepting to have us run out . We spend four or five years at the university, nine months waiting for a child, hours and hours to fight a cancer , moments with their heads between their legs waiting for a bomb to explode. We study to pass the exam, we look for the best treatment and the best doctor to heal, we evaluate the ground and look for the safest area.
When we understand that we have part of the control and that it allows us to achieve something positive, we activate ourselves. In this sense, care must be taken and not lose the right perspective. There are people who have a high degree of masochism and feel pleasure in reaching goals that produce greater suffering or wear and tear. In some ways, they seem to need to suffer to live, like the need to eat or sleep.
Recall that we are talking about strategies to deal with problems. So, before fighting or fighting, the best thing is to reduce the amount of problems . Separate the real ones from those that we invent behind the “must” or “should”. It’s great to play sports, but this can not turn into constant suffering; it’s great to eat healthy, but we try not to fill our pantry with all that is healthy, but we do not like it. Extra suffering in these cases rarely brings extra benefits, but increases the chances that we will abandon healthy habits.
We need little to accept or engage and fight if we do not have the intelligence to distinguish the problems that deserve a strategy or the other. Resurrecting someone or going back in time is not possible. We talk about emotional intertwining that is best resolved through acceptance. On the other hand, any problem you want to face or any change you want to make, this process requires prior acceptance. It is complicated, for example, to strive to be kinder if we do not accept and recognize that we are not at present.
We often find ourselves at a crossroads, before which we do not know if it is better to take the road of accepting or fighting to face problems.
Imagine a person with cancer who has to undergo several treatments. What is the moment when acceptance can start to be a better strategy than the fight? To distinguish, intelligence is important, but also knowledge. Listening to doctors and knowing oneself are factors that will help to draw this line as on many other occasions.